DEAD AND BURIED REPUTATIONS: Outgoing Tory chancellor, Philip ‘the undertaker’ Hammond, has written a smash gag today and published it on Twitter.
“It’s a joke about the economy stupid,” our economics analyst said, just in case we didn’t get it in the office, “he’s playing it dead pan. So dead pan you’d think he was dead, and not just responsible for the economic undertaking of the country.”
The premise of the joke appears to centre around the historical reputation of the Conservative Party for sound fiscal management. A reputation these days that is now hysterical.
“It’s pretty funny. You can’t say that about the Tories with a straight face anymore, it’s why he published it on Twitter. Hopefully he can get his facial expressions under control before he starts using it on the stand up circuit politicians traditionally take to once they leave office.”
It’s hoped ‘the undertaker’ has some other lines up his sleeve.
“He could talk about FDI and productivity in the face of lack of investment in infrastructure. Why not about the national debt? That’s a riot. Also austerity and how wonderfully funny it is that the country’s richest 1% have increased their wealth so much over the last decade while at the same time there’s a booming food bank sector and homelessness. Then there’s the rental market? That’s another cracking area he can mine for jokes about aspiration and Tory government. He really has a feature length stand up routine on his hands.”
But of course the biggest laughs will be when he twins the Tory’s reputation for conservative economic management with their religious zealotry to deliver Brexit.
“There’s no money left,” our analyst says, “that’ll be the biggest laugh if they ever deliver the joke that is Brexit. That’ll be the punchline right there. We’re close enough already. Billions are being spunked on Brexit. A project the government’s own forecasts show will make the country poorer in all scenarios. That’s a joke in itself.”
The Conservative Party’s self professed reputation for sound economic stewardship, it’s now a laugh a minute, unless you’re poor of course and trying to live within its means.