HIGH IMPORTS : With the weekend revelations that the majority of Tory candidates to replace Theresa May are smacked out of their brains most of the time, Global Britain can look forward to a solid trading future with Latin America.
“The very first day after I become prime minister I’ll be on a plane to Colombia,” almost anyone of them can say, “a light aircraft clearly that will fly low enough to avoid radar and return home with hold all’s heaving with class A drugs.”
The plan to import mountains of narcotics from countries famous for the export is a sure sign that whoever takes over will be up to the challenge.
“You’re going to need to be wasted all the time just to cope with the pressure,” our political analyst says, “I mean May has left behind her a complete and utter shitshow. You’d have to be high to think you can clean up the mess and make a success of Brexit. Thankfully most of the candidates to be prime minister are just that.”
It’s believed that securing a trade deal with cocaine producing countries will allow the UK to remain the gateway to the EU27 for third countries.
“Clearly we have to replace what’s left of our traditional manufacturing base with something. Why not the import and export of mountainous quantities of powders? And traditional herbal remedies? It’s a no brainer.”
Suppliers of accessories are thought to be anticipating a boom too. With small plastic bags and lottery slips certain to be in high demand as the UK moves to being entirely pharmaceutical based economy.
“Global Britain, you don’t need to be high to live here, but it helps.”