SO LONELY – Iain Duncan Smith has announced today he has launched a crowdfunder in order to raise money and bring a private prosecution against himself for misconduct in public office.
https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/iain-duncan-smith-on-boris-court-case-1-6079686
”What about me?” Iain asked, doing his best to make puppy dog eyes, “it isn’t fair. I’ve had enough of being the go to rent a dissembler for John Humphrys whenever Brexit looks dicey. Now I want my share of the real public limelight. I want my day in court. Haven’t I done enough to warrant that?”
Iain, remembered by some as a lion rampant when leader of the official opposition, is particularly perturbed that Boris Johnson is getting so much of the attention.
”Bojo is the sort of chap that would corner you in the toilets as a boy, whip down your trousers and shove a hot crumpet between your butt cheeks.” Iain stops for a moment to quell a flush of hot tears.
“Then he would hold you against the tiled wall with one hand on your forehead laughing while you cried for nanny.” A fat drop rolled out and over his burning cheek.
”Then the master would cane you for wasting food because the other big boys would side with Bojo when you told a master what happened. And I’d still have the crumpet between my cheeks!”
But criticism of the brainiac behind Universal Credit has been swift.
”Why should I use my own money in my own private prosecution? My type are entitled to use as much public money as we can. You could call it a birthright,” Iain asserted, looking calmer now,
“and I won’t stop until I’m 100% sure that in the court of public opinion I’m held in complete contempt.”