BLOWING IN THE WIND : The United Kingdom’s government has moved to reassure voters about the dual concerns of climate change and energy policy today with the confirmation that the U.K. will be entirely powered by renewable faith post Brexit.
”You just have to have faith,” disgraced former defence secretary Liam Fox told a tepid press conference, “and hide friends behind curtains.”
The faith itself will be converted into a power source by belief.
”If we all get down on our knees and bow our heads before Brexit, and focus really hard on running our manufacturing entirely on the power of Brexit we can both meet our booming export demands and climate change targets,” the clueless DIT minister nodded, “and make sure to hide our friends behind curtains.”
The new policy is hoped will be even easier to achieve once a new Conservative leader is chosen, as that will be an act entirely done on faith too.
”Experts say we should use what lies about us, but I say we should look within ourselves and just really believe. Oh, and look behind curtains.”
Once the faith has been successfully harnessed to turn turbines and power the Satanic mills of Brexitannia, it will also be used to power our international relations and trade deals.
The announcement did receive cross-party support, as Labour is also currently operating a faith based Brexit policy, which is coupled to faith in the leader.
”We are all about faith these days,” a Labour source commented, “it really unites the believers. Just ask Campbell! Ha!”
It’s believed the first actual structure to be run entirely on faith power will be the chapel the Tories and Labour are planning to timeshare, given they’re both expelling and shedding members who lack belief in Brexit so fast, neither need a broad church anymore.
Believe. Believe in a proper Brexit and keep the fires burning in your hearts.