SMALL CHANGE : There are dozens of reports today of a GINORMOUS PENNY seen floating in sky over The Palace of Westminster.
“The penny was first noticed in the sky this morning after the results of the EU elections came in,” our civil defence correspondent reports (LIVE from WESTMINSTER – with lights and everything! Even though he could have done it just as well in the studio!), “The prime minister is said to have immediately convened a meeting of COBRA, although only she attended.”
As a result of the emergency meeting the PM is said to have ordered the RAF to scramble jets to intercept the penny. Well, after she remembered who was currently defence secretary, coincidentally someone called Penny.
“The RAF is currently under orders to keep a distance and be ready to react should the giant penny look like crashing on top of Westminster and squashing the brains of Tory and Labour MPs still committed to Brexit. The impact is believed to be survivable, but only if the penny drops before it becomes even bigger.”
There are reports of plans being drawn up to attempt to lure the penny away, perhaps to the North Sea or the Bay of Biscay, but as yet the only suggested methods being put forward are to tack even harder to the right on Brexit, and that strategy only seems likely to make the penny become even larger.
“The PM has requested that Corbyn, McCluskey, Milne and Nigel Farage enter into discussions with her on the best way to deal with the penny,” our correspondent reveals, “and find a common solution to dealing with the bleeding obvious.”
It’s clear if they can’t find a way to safely bring the penny to ground it will just sooner or later completely flatten them. Representatives of smaller parties at Westminster are said to be in no danger however, because they never needed the bloody penny to drop in the first place.