Tories concentrating on the league after getting knocked out of Europe

  1. The alt-rampant Tories are ‘concentrating on the league’ after a humiliating European loss. In political football manager speak, this translates roughly as, we lost, get over it.

The word coming from Tory HQ is that, now Europe is out of reach for another season, all their energies can be concentrated on getting re-elected in 2022. As is usually the case after a massive defeat, they are thinking of replacing their manager. Unfortunately for them, no remotely suitable candidate is available. Theresa May stays on as Prime Minister by default.

This page has remarked before on the unbalanced shape of Team Tory. Too many right wingers, and an insistence that a backstop isn’t necessary. The potential replacements for May are all so right wing that they are off the pitch, or so imbecilic that they advocate dropping out of the Premier League to join the WTO 9th Division (North).

In the middle of this, first team coach Andrea Leadsom has resigned, because the level playing field refuses to yield to her warped sense of reality.

The Tories are only top of the league at present because of the weakness of the opposition. The last time anyone can remember an opposition so weak was in the glory days of Margaret Thatcher’s ‘Invincibles’, who cheated their way to victory and changed the rules retrospectively.

The winners are the Brexit Party team, who hate the EU so much that they use it as their platform. A victory spells out failure, and a loss success. The oxymoronic team, in reality the one-man cult Nigel “the man who puts the Moron into Oxymoron” Farage, has lost by winning, and is playing to lose.

The political system is so messed up, that the Premier League will be decided on who scores the least number of own-goals. In this Looking Glass World, the party with no policies, no manifesto, no legal standing, just one bigmouth and a name, only needs to turn up to win.

Which of course translates as a loss.

Anyone for tennis?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *