GAME OF DRONES : Rupert Murdoch is rumoured to have cancelled a planned visit to the bank to count his money today in order to spend the day deciding who will be the UK’s next prime minister.
”He’s not happy,” a fitness instructor working at the mansion told us on the condition we didn’t print anything, “he’s spent the morning swearing in a heavy Aussie accent. When he goes back to his roots you know he’s cheesed off.”
The planned visit to count money had been in the diary for weeks, with the sale of a large chunk of his mega-empire to mega-empire Disney.
”He’s not a young man anymore, even if Jerry didn’t notice,” the instructor continues, “rude shocks like having to clear your schedule to choose a new governor for an outpost of decreasing importance is about as easy to digest as complex food, like things not soup.”
But clear the schedule he will?
”Yes. But he’s keeping the berating session of his children in. ‘I spent decades building the flaming empire and I can’t trust to leave it in the care of my kids? You’re all bloody drongos!’ That sort of thing.”
But other sources, close to Murdoch’s little sprite Michael Gove, have dismissed the fitness trainer’s insights with a wave of the hand.
”Don’t be silly,” the source scoffed, “he decided who was going to replace Theresa May as prime minister months ago. Today is merely a formality of letting a whole catalogue of Tory wannabes phone up and promise to give him whatever he wants, so long as they get to hold the keys to 10 Downing Street,
“He enjoys the ritual, but he chose your next Prime Minister weeks ago.”