THE EMPIRE STRIKES SOMETHING : Temporary Prime Minister, Theresa May, took inspiration from one of modern cinema’s iconic heroes today as she sought to get parliament onside for her last ditch attempt to be the only who completely screws the United Kingdom.
“I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it further,” May told a half awake parliament, pausing between each syllable to breathe heavily, before adding, “if you defy me now I will crush you under the heel of the Empire.”
Quite what such an open handed offer from such an admired leader will do is not yet clear.
”She keeps her word,” a Tory Party insider said, stifling a giggle, “you know she means what she’s saying when she says it. Just no one, not even her, believes it.”
Unwarranted skepticism aside, May is attempting to finally get parliament to pass the gigantic stool of her Brexit. She’s hoping her latest offer is an efficient softener.
But she is facing an uphill struggle.
”The promise to go whether she succeeds or fails was probably complete horseshit,” our Westminster analyst says, “and this latest effort to buy more time will likely be met with warm words, then a jolly round of backstabbing as all her cabinet are just completely sick to death of her. They don’t even care if the Death Star is finished under her watch or not anymore. So they may well vote against it in the hope she buggers off that bit sooner.”
And given the factionalisation of even her own dark side, it’s odds on.
To get further clarity we spoke first to dark side wannabe Mark Francois.
Mark Francois : “Series of completely unrelated WW2 references that display how deeply I misunderstand reality.”
Thank you Mark Francois.
We will have to wait and see how this latest play works out for May.
Will she leave with the dignify she’s dedicated her time in office to denying everyone conceivably possible?
Or will she lay unmasked, politically gasping her last in total failure? That seems much more likely.
But her finishing line in the address to Parliament is worth noting.
”I AM your father.”
Mostly for just being confusing. She must have become stuck in character.