YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A MAN : Hugo Boss has announced today the launch of a new range of milkshake camo uniforms, Christ, sorry, we mean suits.
“I need to correct you there,” our fashion correspondent interrupted, “it’s just a rumour. We can’t say they have. They are said to be about to launch the new range to capitalise on the theme of modern political campaigning in the UK.”
The theme the famous suit maker is looking to get in on is more of a trend, namely to throw milkshakes over racists while they’re on the campaign trail.
“These new milk patterned camouflage suits will allow your modern fascist to continue to campaign even if they’ve been turned into a laughing stock on the street,” our correspondent adds.
“No need to go and hide in your campaign bus while shouting for a fresh set of threads. Just leave a milky trail behind you and keep on shouting about foreigners all day long. Well, until the smell of spoiled, spilt milk kicks in.”
That could perhaps be an opening for a perfumer? Along the same lines.
“The smell…the smell of milk? Yes. The suits themselves will be woven from the purest teflon and plastic.”
Plastic patriots in plastic suits? That’s nice.
But what about people who say throwing milky beverages over the far right is coarsening the public debate?
“I’d say those people aren’t paying attention to what the far right has done to the public debate. The trend to milkshake is a symptom of the mainstream politicians failure to combat the forces of hatred, and even the willingness of many high profile politicians to attempt to profit politically off the agendas being promoted.”
So the milkshake throwing is the fault of Westminster?
“It’s a point of discussion. But don’t ask me, I just deal in fashion, of that I’m a dedicated follower.”
If the suit fits…
“Wear it! We hear Farage and chums will be virtually invisible once they’ve donned them.”
Which is just the way we’d like them.