SPLASH BACK: The Brexit Party’s (not a party, but a company) traumatised owner, Nigel Fartage, is back on the campaign trail today after the overnight purchase of a second hand ‘Popemobile’.
“We’re not certain if he bought the vehicle on Gumtree, Ebay, Popetrader or another site popular for offloading surplus items, or which monetary currency he used to paid for it,” our dairy analyst says, “but he’s got himself a second hand Popemobile and is back on the road.”
The purchase of the fully covered vehicle is believed to be in response to the savaging he received the other day by a wild man with a milkshake.
“Clearly Farage did nothing to provoke the brutal assault with a lactose bearing liquid,” our analyst adds,
“other than front a campaign founded on deliberate misrepresentation with posters mimicking WW2 fascist propaganda. But apart from that, we can’t think of anything he’s done to cause a lowering of civility,
“Well, except for shouting traitors and betrayal constantly, getting routinely done for abuse of expense systems, and doing everything he can to denigrate the institutions that a democracy needs to function and survive. So he’s essentially blameless.”
It’s hoped if he just hides inside his new armoured vehicle, happily milk colour to blend in with his preferred surroundings, he’ll be able to promote his manifesto less bollocks without further dry cleaning bills.
“We expect the other candidates for his limited company will also be riding inside, and perhaps even the UKIP ones,” our analyst says, “so perhaps we’ll finally get an answer to the age old question of exactly how many fascists can you fit in a fully armoured mini?”