Labour MP Geoffrey Robinson denies claims that he was a Czech spy. Rumour means rumour, but the words whispered in Westminster suggest he was working for the Russians instead.
Tittle-tattle gossiper Lou Slipps gave us the inside track on Robinson.
“Are you a genuine news outlet?” she asked nervously. Yes, allegedly, we replied. “OK, then you must remember that this is all hearsay, allegedly?” she said. Yes, yes, yes, just give us the dirt.
“Well, he is definitely a spy (allegedly),” she said. “Only not, apparently, for the Czechs, but, allegedly, for the Russians. They say he puts the Rouble into Trouble!”
This is massive, if true. Could he be the alleged link between western governments and Vladimir Putin?
“I couldn’t possibly comment,” said Slipps, nodding vigorously. “Off the record – I didn’t tell you this, nor did anyone else – all the vodka in the House of Commons bars comes directly from Putin, via Robinson, in exchange for information about the government. Allegedly.”
The only problem is, that Labour are not in government.
“This is why Jeremy Corbyn has, allegedly, been instructed to back Brexit,” whispered Slipps. “In order to get close to Theresa May. The cross-party talks, allegedly, have been a cover for extracting details of the government’s strategy. This is the alleged long game!”
In order to get a perspective on things, we spoke to Robinson, who is alleged to be both the father of Tommy and husband of Mrs.
“It’s all nonsense,” blustered Robinson from his cell in the Westminster dungeons. “My all expenses paid penthouses in Prague and Moscow merely indicate a love of European culture, and provide a useful income when I’m not actively engaged in… err… cultural matters.”
Presumably that explains your fluency in Russian, and your love of Cyrillic characters?
“Yes, yes, total immersion in the culture,” he agreed. “You develop trust by integrating fully with everything Russian. They helped me enormously, and it’s good to give something back. Allegedly.”
There you have it. He is definitely not a spy. Not. Definitely not. No.
Allegedly.