HOW MANY HATS CAN YOU FIT IN A RING: THE TORY MP FOR MAIDENHEAD is the latest to confirm she will stand for election as the new Tory party leader, when the leadership contest kicks off in June.
“I have to go for it,” she told LCD Views, in an exclusive interview, “I don’t want to be the only Tory MP who doesn’t put themselves forward.”
But why go for the leadership now?
“I want to offer the party, indeed the entire United Kingdom, strong and stable leadership,” the Maidenhead MP revealed, “our country is in crisis. It is deeply divided. I believe I can unify, by building on the outstanding work of the current leader.”
And what to do with the legacy of Theresa May, in the immediate, will be a pressing issue for the next prime minister.
“I suspect she won’t be able to pass her Withdrawal Agreement, prior to being frogmarched out of office by a bunch of swivel eyed nostalgia freaks who dabble in shorting the pound, so I will take up the baton and get it through parliament.”
So a continuity candidate?
“Very much so. In the fullness of time historians will judge Ms May’s premiership properly,” the Maidenhead MP is certain, “right now, she’s a strong woman doing a difficult job with just the right amount of xenophobia.”
But critics within the party have hit out at the Maidenhead MP’s decision to put her hat in the ring.
“I don’t see how she can stand for the leadership when she’s the one standing down?” Lord Tinpot asked.
She’s wearing a false moustache, we informed the peer.
“Oh well, that’s different then. I always wanted Ms May to carry the can for Brexit, so I will support the MP for Maidenhead in fulfilling Ms May’s legacy.”
We’d ask who you will vote for, but unless you’re part of the 0.6% of the UK population that is a member of the Conservative Party, you won’t be asked.