GROUND ZERO : Theresa May has surprised an exasperated nation today by explaining the only method she can think of for getting her to leave 10 Downing Street voluntarily.
”It’s the only pointer I can provide,” she told a deserted press conference this afternoon, “thirty or forty megatonnes ought to do it. But be sure to detonate the blast right on top of the old place.”
But critics have been quick to query the sincerity of the message, as the prime minister is known to spend her time permanently inside the bunker beneath her office.
”It’s a trap,” Sir Bottox-Foxshot-Hound, MP for Less-badgers, told LCD Views, “she’s trying to get us to blow ourselves up so she can continue to govern unopposed.”
But the skepticism in her own party wasn’t matched on the opposition benches.
A source close to the Labour leader commented favourably on the possibility of at least a small scale nuclear explosion as means of dragging May from Downing Street.
”I have a few antique Soviet weapons lying about the pad. I wouldn’t mind lending one for the job. It’s got to be worth a shot. We don’t seem to be getting there saying jobs first Brexit and triangulation of the electorate.”
Still, it’s unlikely to be tried until after the Conservatives are erased at the ballot box in the upcoming EU elections.
”She’d bloody survive it,” a member of the governing 1922 committee feared, “everyone else but here and Nigel Farage would be ashes and atoms, but she’d still be there working hard to fulfil his only policy objective. Which come to think of it, is exactly what we’re doing right now.”