PREMIER : All English regions have announced the establishment of a premier league table for milkshaking fascists today, neatly timed to takeover with the summer break in the football premier league.
Totnes, Devon, claimed top spot in the new sport today with a full head milkshaking of UKIP candidate Carl Benjamin, who was left completely drenched while attempting to perform his misogyny based stand up routine in the town.
“Total facial is maximum points, ” explained Mr Cable Street, who was a prime mover behind the establishment of the league, “this put them at the top of the table with their first appearance.”
But another Devon fixture, Plymouth, got itself onto the board over the weekend too with the drenching in milk of an image of UKIP leader Gerald Batten, on the side of the bus, with the same bus receiving a parking ticket in extra time.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/ukip-bus-given-parking-fine-15241159
The latest sporting craze to grip England was kicked off last week though, when roaming fixture, Tommy ‘not my real name’ Robinson, was milkshaked twice, once in Bury and once in Warrington, as the northern teams looked to set the standard for their southern rivals.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tommy-robinson-swings-punches-man-14985549
The BBC is under pressure to begin commentary on the fixtures with a dedicated digital radio channel, similar to Test Match Special, but are resisting, only adding to the worrying speculation that they quite like hard right wingers these days.
Why the hard right is proving so vulnerable to the milkshake formation is not entirely clear, but our sports analyst has an idea.
“It’s because they only play down the extreme right of the pitch,” our analyst says, “which leaves them wide open in the moderate right, centre, left of centre and all the way until you run into the revolutionary communists, who are also quite keen on Brexit, but not so keen on playing professionally, while they have players already on the pitch at Westminster.”
Further teams are expected to get onto the table over the next ten days as UKIP plays fixtures across the country in the build up to the EU elections. Why it’s been left to local towns to put up players against the hard right can be explained by a complete and total moral failure of both major teams at Westminster, too busy trying to seize the cup of lies, Brexit, from one another.