THIS OR THAT : A leaked memo from Conservative HQ today suggests the UK’s governing Tory Party has narrowed its choice of campaign literature for the upcoming EU elections down to two draft leaflets.
”It’s one or the other,” Mr Burn Burns, campaign chief, told LCD Views, “Labour have already gone down the blackmail route, if you don’t vote for them it’s your fault the U.K. is a fascist utopia, as opposed to a Stalinist fetish club, so we’ve got to find another way to differentiate ourselves. It’s a bit of a bugger, which is normally quite popular.”
The leak reveals the party has at least settled on a basic formula or stealing from classic literature.
”Lord of the Flies is my pick for how to best symbolise our vision for a post Brexit U.K., well, England, as that’s all there will be of course. But others want to go with Dante’s Inferno. That’s too superstitious to my mind. Also it’s foreign, which is just not British.”
The matter is expected to be settled later at a cabinet meeting, before Ms May does what she wants anyway.
”It’s going to be costly to distribute 10’s of millions of free copies of the classic novel about the country,” Mr Burns admits, “I’m not sure we can afford to. Heaven help us if people start mailing them back without a stamp.”
To get passed that hurdle Mr Burns at least has a work around.
”My suggestion is we only drop copies off to people likely to vote Conservative,” he says, “which should be about half a dozen.”