DISOWNED : The Palace of Westminster has appeared on the top rated Jeremy Kyle Show in a SHOCK bid to prove it’s not the mother of this parliament.
”I should bloody well know!” The Palace of Westminster sobbed, tissue pressed to the rim of her eye, “I’ve birthed hundreds of parliaments. Some of them were also bastards, granted, but all of them were mine! I can recognise my own.”
To prove her claim the Palace demanded (prior to filmin) that a maternity DNA test was performed. Throughout the interview Mr Kyle held the results in his hands, without revealing the results.
”I’ll take a lie detector test right now,” The Palace added, “go on! Strap me up! Let’s do it.”
But before the test could be performed several ham shaped MPs, part of the current group normally sitting inside Westminster burst onto the stage and began to shout incoherently.
”See! I can’t even speak ERG! I didn’t teach them that. I’ve no idea what they’re saying. They didn’t get that language from me. I don’t know what they’ve done with my real child. The police should be investigating.”
Security guards next entered the stage and corralled the aggressive MPs into a corner while a border collie could be summoned to herd them off stage.
Mr Kyle attempted to resume the interview, only to be interrupted by an elderly multi-millionaire, career politician who was seemingly impaled on a fence post.
”You both are and are not the mother of parliaments,” the old geezer said, but further comment from him was stopped when a tall figure resembling Nosferatu crept onto the stage and began whispering in his ear.
”Show them the results Jeremy! Show everyone the DNA results!”
Mr Kyle looked meaningfully at the audience and said that the DNA test was inconclusive due to the number of varying DNA samples found in the members offices of parliament, which had contaminated the test.
”Perhaps you simply leave London?” Mr Kyle suggested, “and go and live in the north for a spell?”
”Can I come back when I give birth to a new parliament?” the mother asked, “I feel like I’m permanent pregnant. I could burst. I’m so fed up.”
Mr Kyle shrugged, “if you give birth to another little sod like the current one I wouldn’t show your face in town again. Now GET OUT OF HERE AND GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDERRRRRR!”