RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION : Religiously driven Brexiters are venting their FURY at the revelation GOD is no longer an Englishman today after he successfully applied for German citizenship.
“I won’t stand for it!” Mark Francois told LCD Views, while taking a water break from combat training, “we’re calling on all patriotic Englishmen to join us in a mass protest outside Saint Paul’s Cathedral.”
Why Saint Paul’s?
“Because that’s where God lives.”
But it’s Saint Paul’s Cathedral? It says so in the name.
“Look, don’t come at me with facts, I’m trained to avoid them. But maybe we better protest outside the German embassy then and demand they reverse the traitorous decision. This is just spiteful. German carmakers are supposed to be banging down Merkel’s door demanding she gives us a bespoke trade deal, not stealing our deity!”
Surely God can do what he likes?
“Not anymore! Not since Brexit became the state religion. Now Brexit decides what Englishmen can do and GOD IS AN ENGLISHMAN. Everyone knows that.”
It’s not clear exactly why God decided to give up his British citizenship and apply for German citizenship instead, but our resident vicar believes it’s to do with the differing paths the countries have chosen.
“He can’t stand the hypocrisy,” our resident vicar states, “May turns up at one of his many houses each Sunday to put on a show of being Christian, but her every action when she was in high office is designed to punish the vulnerable. It sticks in God’s craw. And don’t get God started on Boris! He’s done with it. Oh, and he wants to retain access to the single market and keep his freedom of movement IF Brexit happens.”
Presumably the different reaction at government level to the migrant crisis may have had something to do with it? And the way the Home Office is attempting to deport everyone? Merkel brings in over a million refugees, saving the east of Europe from chaos at high personal and political cost, while the British government hides behind the sofa? Doing its level best to deport two year olds.
“You’d have to ask God, but I suspect that also weighed on the scales when he decided on the move.”
Presumably this means Jesus can also get German citizenship now?
“Why not? Do you want to give up your right to travel, live, work, love, reciprocal health care and the ability to settle as you like across an entire continent?”
No. I see it as a gross betrayal of my children.
“And the Holy Ghost.”
He’s got a German passport too?
“Yes. It’s a trifecta.”
Wow. So how is the Devil taking it? This has presumably wrong footed him?
“He’s demanding an emergency meeting of the 1922 committee and demanding a change to the rules governing citizenship, to make it impossible for God to do this.”
Retrospective immigration rule change? How is that possible? It’s state sanctioned psychological torture of millions.
“Anything is possible if you believe in Brexit. Ask the millions of EU27 citizens already living through it, with both major political parties determined to end freedom of movement.”
Looks like God doesn’t believe in Brexit.
“It’s a pity. He didn’t try hard enough. But the choice of burgundy passport is interesting. German? This will really wind up the idiots.”