POUNDSTORE DRUMPFS: The Tories are set to regain their reputation for strong and stable governance shortly if the plan to swap the woman fiddling while Rome burns for a clown with a bus and a megaphone comes off.
”This won’t do anything to fight the fire,” backbench Tory MP, Mr Dee Saster, told LCD Views, “fires are quite profitable if you’ve positioned yourself properly in advance, before starting them.”
The move to replace the Brexit patsy with a proper boofhead will be welcomed by many in the membership who long ceased to be functionally sane.
”We have to help build America’s empire,” the backbencher added, “now is the time for the useless idiots to strike!”
Quite how they’ll remove the incumbent PM isn’t clear, but it’s believed to involve a change to the rules of the party. This will allow them to vote again, because some now believe they made a mistake the first time. Clearly not an option that should be available to the hoi polloi.
”If we can just get that bloody woman out of Downing Street everything will be fine,” the MP went on, “old Junker won’t know what hit him when Boris swans into Brussels and lays a word salad or two on him. Backstop? What backstop? Who are the Irish again? Victory is certain.”
Queries about how functionally democratic such an event would be, with about 0.000000001% of the UK’s voters involved in it, have been dismissed.
”Haven’t the people heard they had a vote on all this years ago. It would be a travesty of the democratic process to let them vote again. They should get themselves some marshmallows and toast them on the flames.”
Sound advice.
”Yes. Just let me go long on marsh and mallows first, then enjoy the song.”