SHAKE DOWN MAN DOWN : Disturbing reports today that a former Youtube wannabe, already suffering with a severe case of short man syndrome, is now also labouring under sudden onset lactophobia.
”It’ll be agrophobia next,” our fash health expert comments, “which will be fitting, given the Greek roots of the word.”
The problem appears to have been caused by people throwing milkshakes all over the little chap.
”It happens. You go about spouting fascist crap someone is going to give you a facial. He was basically begging for it.”
It’s expected, in order to just walk out and about, the tiny fellow will have to now surround himself with a human wall of walking gammon.
”He definitely needs to enlarge the size of his human shield. It’s just a shame his YouTube channel was closed down. Otherwise he could monetise his public humiliations and be able to afford the therapy needed now to walk past McDonalds. Although I guess the new porn blocker due to come in mid-year would be another obstacle, given the content.”
Couldnt he just wear a raincoat? Wellington boots and a mask?
”They’re the wrong sort of boots for goosestepping. So I am not sure he will. I hope it doesn’t happen again. If he gets another flavour of milkshake thrown into his face, splashing about like a comedy intro to an adult movie, I suspect he’ll move onto locked in syndrome. It could ruin his political career as a front for much darker forces.”
So let’s hope no one does it again otherwise it’s reallt going to stick to him and be all anyone associates with the wee boy.
In related news, a giant seagull has voiced its desire to takeover from the men with milkshakes, so he’s probably best advised to stay away from the seaside for a while….