INDEFENSIBLE: A touch of glamour is coming to the overly serious halls of the Ministry of Defence after Theresa May announced Daryl Hannah was replacing Steve Coogan, aka Alan Patridge, as Defence Secretary.
We spoke to Daryl’s agent to find out how the show biz star took the news.
”It’s nonsense,” Ms Hannah’s agent replied, “this is the first I’ve heard of it. How is it even possible? She’s not an MP or a peer? She doesn’t even live in the U.K. You’re just making this up. I advise you not to bother printing it. No one will believe you.”
What animal Ms Hannah will bring with her to the MOD is a cause of much speculation, given the departing Minister was famous for keeping a spider in a box on his desk.
”It’ll have to be a marine mammal of some kind?” our defence analyst suggests, “perhaps she could ask to borrow that Beluga the Norwegians caught? She’ll only be working days at the MOD Inbetween filming commitments anyway. The elevation of former fireplace salesman Patridge to defence secretary, and now an indivual most famous for appearing in Splash, shows how serious the prime minister views the role.”
But the decision to award one of the most serious jobs in the cabinet to an entertainment outsider has led to speculation there’s not many MPs left in the party of government who want to be associated with May’s cabinet.
So what for Patridge now he’s been sacked?
”Funnily enough he’s to pursue a career in entertainment now,” our analyst believes, “he’s to start filming a new series called Prat.”
What’s the premise?
”It’s about a fictional character called Gavin Williamson. A sacked fireplace salesman fighting to clear his name, after being fitted up for something he claims he didn’t do. He took on the firm’s chief financial officer and lost. But everyone is glad to see him go regardless.”
Why’s that?
”Because he’s a prat of course.”