SPOILT AND CROSSED : LCD Views has heard from a woman today who is planning to spoil her local election ballot paper tomorrow by writing in “Brexit Party”.
“It’s the party I work for in reality, so it’s the party I should be able to vote for,” the woman said, looking seriously peeved, “my entire working life has been dedicated since mid 2016 to the success of The Brexit Party. Before that I moved mountains to establish just the right kind of fertile soil of acceptable racism in public discourse, through my remit as a middle manager, and by trimming budgets and by establishing a policy framework that was hostile to the people the Brexit Party is also hostile too. It’s my party. I’m going to vote for it.”
But surely there are established parties, actually standing candidates in your area, that align closely enough to your political objectives who you can vote for?
“I’m not voting Conservative! Have you seen what they’ve done to local services? They’re ruining the social fabric of the country for the greed of tax dodgers and far right media moguls. It’s appalling.”
What about Labour? They’re also a Brexit Party. Anyone who thinks otherwise must have a real appetite for political fudge.
“I am tempted to vote for them, but only if they reaffirm their constantly reaffirmed commitment to end FOM. I’m not quite there though. I’d like them to more completely abandon the millions of EU27 citizens who moved here in recent decades in good faith and are now having their world turned upside down and inside out by the government’s retrospective law changes to immigration. They’re an exceptionally large and very vulnerable community. Let’s punish them because they were silly enough not to be born in an English shire.”
And there’s UKIP.
“That’s just a vote for the Conservatives. No.”
So you’re definitely writing Farage’s new party onto the ballot?
“It’s a protest vote. It’s not really a party, rather more a front for a far right insurgency almost certainly funded by offshore money. Think of the volatility in the exchange markets if they make greater strides? I’ve got to think about what I’ll live on when I retire after all. Yes. It’s the fallen over sideways, burning house of horror for me. I’ll even take my own permanent marker in to ensure no one rubs out my spoilt, little ballot.”