I’M YOUR GREATEST FAN : A man is reported to be openly thrilled after a nanny sent him a secret crush notification on a social media platform.
“He’s been seen skipping across College Green without a care in the world,” a witness claimed to remember, “which is a little strange, because normally he’s wheeled across it in a pushchair by a matronly looking lady.”
It’s not certain what time the notification first appeared in the man’s notifications, but it must have been very recent.
“It’s really sweet. I hear the two have a very close relationship already, very close, but to have an actual symbol of it after so many years must be very special. It’s really lifted his spirits and they needed it after his pet political project ran a little bit off the rails.”
And the ability to send such secret notifications isn’t only lifting the man’s feelings. It’s rumoured that Boris Johnson received one this morning from Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage received one not only from Nigel Farage, but also Steve Bannon.
“That made things a little tricky. Nigel immediately boasted to Boris that he had one from Steve and Boris went into a right rage, so then Nigel had to tell Steve he better send one to Boris. Love triangles of the far right kind always get messy.”
But they weren’t the only ones to jump right into using the new crushability.
“Apparently the PM sent one to the LOTO, telling him ‘I’m your greatest fan. Without you I’d be finished. Just imagine the horror of a leader of the opposition actually opposed to Brexit? All those open goals. I’d be out on my ear. I can’t tell you how deep my crush is, but at least now it’s no longer secret.”
Intrigued by the decision to add this ability we decided to get a word from Facepamphlet, the social media platform responsible for introducing it.
“Many people’s friends lists have become too large and unmanageable. For this reason we’ve introduced secret crush notifications. Now you can prune that overly long list right down, while now freaking out about how to avoid the random guy from accounts who you drunkenly added to your friend’s list at the Christmas party, before forgetting all about him and getting on with your life.”
https://mashable.com/article/facebook-dating-secret-crush/?europe=true