PUBLIC MONEY IS FREE MONEY : Transport boss Chris Grayling has announced he is to pay the cancelled No Deal Brexit emergency ferry contract fees with actual NHS nurses.
“I want to correct you there,” the Transport Guru said, after hearing we were writing this in-depth analysis of his work, “we won’t only be paying the shipping companies with NHS staff, some of the £50m owing will be paid in teachers and school meals that would otherwise have gone to underprivileged children.”
It’s presumed this manner of paying contracts owing solely out of attempts by the executive to bully MPs and frighten voters is only possible because of the hard work the public unified to undertake with austerity?
”Yes. The entirety of the United Kingdom tightened their belts, well, under a certain earning threshold, and this built in huge reserves of economic units, like nurses and teachers, that would otherwise have been squandered by poor people in our communities. Austerity was not a con.”
But how does he counter accusations that he can’t settle government debts, no matter irresponsibly created, with actual people? That it’s incredibly medieval.
”All the teachers and nurses will be free to sub-contract and be actually employed in our hospitals, via private employment agencies specialising in recruiting for the NHS, and for increasing the cost of running the service to the gain of Conservative Party supporters. So there is nothing to worry about.”
But shouldn’t the ministers, and the prime minister, responsible for this appalling and wasteful exercise pay for it out of their own pockets?
”Oh, don’t be silly. This is all part of the Brexit the British people overwhelmingly voted for. And I don’t think that the Kremlin linked figure paid quite so much for dinner with the prime minister on Monday,” Mr Failing chuckled, “it was a much more modest fee.”