BYE-PLANE! Government hires skywriter to write “F Off” in every European language over Dover

GOING GLOBAL : Leaks from 10 Downing Street today indicate that the executive have become concerned that delays to Brexit are sending confusing signals to both the grass roots Conservative associations and the global community. It’s time to set this right. Or write even.

“We want everybody to know we’re still the party that believes f*ck business,” a Downing Street insider briefed the press today, although strictly off the record, “in line with the thinking of our next prime minister. We’re also the party that wants everyone to know we hate all immigrants, what have they ever done for us? Do you know how many votes there are in saying that? Even more subtly, as the official opposition do with their commitment to end FOM,

“It’s just like the BBC’s leading English historian, Andrew Marr, once asserted on Twitter, but the English have never been ruled by anybody. So we’re going to ensure that our closest neighbours understand where we stand in the increasingly interconnected 21st century world. We are definitely leaving, in spite of begging repeatedly to delay leaving. But don’t anyone print this, wait for our big PR move. We’re going to write it in the sky.”

The big PR move, which we are revealing today because off the record is a broken record at LCD Views (oh, and because f*ck Downing Street), is the hiring of a skywriter to spell out to the EU27 exactly what the UK’s current government is thinking regarding Brexit and the resurgence of the British Empire (2.0).

“It’s going to be quite something,” the insider smiled, “telling the EU where to go in one European language after another. I think this will show them we’re serious about re-opening negotiations concerning the backstop. If they won’t do that then we’re just out. Take that!”

And in an ironic twist the skywriter is an EU27 national, because none of the homegrown English ones can write in the required languages.

“We’re Global Britain. Just F OFF!”

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