MAKING MONEY EXCLUSIVE : LCD VIEWS is proud to help launch FTN’s genius new second income smartphone app for MPs!
In order to do just that we’ve asked Feather The Nest’s CEO, Mr Monee Isfree, in for a cosy fireside chat.
”I like the flames!” Mr Monee begins our interview, “I see you’re using FTN’s digital fireside app to replicate the feeling everything in the office is homely and warm.”
We certainly are. The way your app turns a smartphone into a projector and covers the walls and ceilings in fire is pure genius. We can easily see how you’ve achieved unicorn status in the gig economy in only your first year. Until the rafters fall in we’re not going anywhere.
”Nice. But I see you haven’t downloaded the latest version, released five seconds ago, that adds marshmallows on sticks to the view.”
We’ll get right on that while you tell our fascinated voting public about FTN’s new genius smartphone app for MPs.
”Thank you for the opportunity.”
Our pleasure.
”At FTN we’re always on the lookout for ways to disrupt tired democracies.”
Nice.
”That’s why we developed Golden Goose, the new smartphone app just for serving, and recently retired, MPs.”
They need all the help they can get. Being an MP is a full time job!
”Just as it should be. But how to get that second, third or even fourth income you need to make sure you leave parliament so much richer for the experience?”
A pressing question. I’m sure the record number of foodbank users in employment and families below the poverty line would like to know.
”Oh, this isn’t for them. But this is a way to let a digital disruptor in the gig economy give an MP more time to vote for strengthening punishments on welfare recipients, to give them the encouragement they need to work harder and be what they always wanted to be.”
Just so special. So how does Golden Goose work?
”It’s as easy as 1,2,3. An MP simply installs the app on their smartphone or tablet, selects the party they’re a member of and asks FTN’s wizardry to align the MP with industry lobbyists they’re most sympathetic to.”
And after that the money just rolls in?
”Straight into a bank account, potentially hidden in a complex web of offshore holdings. But don’t ask me, I just design the GUI, all that is for the accountants.”
This is really something. So if I’m from a low income family, worried about escalating costs, worried if the NHS will be sold off wholesale by the time I retire, all I have to do is become an MP and I’m set? Brexit or no Brexit?”
”That’s it. Although sadly not all MPs will use our app, we’re pretty sure a lot will and the face of our democracy will continue to change to more closely resemble the painting of Dorian Grey hidden in that loft.”
That’s it! I’m off to put myself forward for selection before the next GE. Thanks a lot Mr Monee.
”Oh, don’t thank me, thank the company who will be happy to pay you potentially hundreds of thousands of pounds a year for just a few hours work a week.”
Lovely, money really is virtually free.
“But only if you’re an MP.”