BROKEN AUNT: The BBC news website is to get a fresh look later this week after the geniuses in the editor’s suite decided to bring Page 3 corkers to the news website.
“If we’re going to compete with Fox and the Mail online then we’re going to have to try something more old-fashioned,” BBC digital news editor, Mr Wots Nigeldoing, told LCD Views, “it’s not enough to jubilantly promote and pronounce the success of the hard right across Europe daily, while ignoring the often much bigger gains for left wing politics, we need something truly eye catching to make sure we’re the go to place for news hungry gammon.”
It’s believed to get the new look off to a mind boggling start the BBC has hired numerous picture editors from 1970’s and 80’s Fleet Street.
“We’ve got people working up the first Page 3’s right now who know a lovely pair when they look at them,” Mr Nigeldoing said, “it doesn’t really matter what crap we print on page one if people know the real goodies are hiding just around the corner.”
In order to make sure the strategy achieves what’s required, stories profiling far right politicians and causes will be nestled warming alongside young women with their tops off.
“It’s about creating a positive association,” Mr Wots smiled, “we really don’t do journalism anymore. Not since David Cameron riddled our management with far right place men. But we can certainly do entertainment.”
All page 3 images will have perforated edges so readers of the news website can gently tear them out and stick them on the fridge.
“We will release a calendar in time for Christmas too. It’ll be stuffed full of recipes for how best to prepare boiled ham in the festive season. It’s all part of the continuing evolution of the public broadcaster into something no one recognises at all anymore.”