Union means Union. Except when it doesn’t. Obviously there’s good and bad on both sides.
The woman who, mysteriously, is still Prime Minister is having an argument with both Nicola Sturgeon and herself. How dare you threaten our precious Union, the debate begins.
“Och aye Jimmy, we are sick of ye Sassenachs telling us what to do,” replied Sturgeon. “We want oot, and we want oot the noo!”
“No, you can’t do that,” Good May replied. “Let me be clear about this: we are stronger together. Besides, we need your oil to prop up our corrupt economy.”
“Why are ye so intent on leaving the EU then?” asked Sturgeon. “I see a wee contradiction there. Ye are kicking us in the Trossachs!”
“We voted to leave, we must respect the result of the referendum, 80% voted for Brexit parties,” recited Bad May. “It’s democracy, and without democracy the country is basically fucked.”
“The UK is a good Union,” explained Good May. “But the EU is a bad Union. 4 nations good, 28 nations bad!”
“Ooo, boke boke!” mimed Sturgeon, pretending to stick two fingers down her throat. “Pass the sick bucket. Enough with the Orwellian bullshit. Man, ye make me want to greet!”
“But you mustn’t split the union,” May persisted, arguing with herself now. “It would mean enormous constitutional change. There are all sorts of other practical considerations. I don’t think you’ve thought this through properly!”
The position is quite clear. England wants Scotland to Remain, so it can Leave. Scotland wants to Leave, so it can Remain.
“Must leave the Union. Can’t split the Union,” repeated May, on an endless loop. She sat in the corner of the cell which her own mind had created, hugging her knees, and swaying from side to side.
Outside, the vortex of contradictions she had inadvertently created waited patiently to consume her.
Meanwhile, Sturgeon is planning to annexe Berwick-upon-Tweed. In a final statement, she declared “I’m going to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall, and make England pay for it.”