BREAKING : The UK’s transport infrastructure is without leadership today after the man responsible for making sure the trains don’t run on time, Chris Grayling, was rushed to A&E, believed to be suffering from acute fatigue.
It’s thought the breaking point was getting interim leader of Change UK+TIG+CHUK, Heidi Allen, to not only have multiple names for one new brand, as well as a logo that looks like a draft plan for a zebra crossing, but to also put the kiss of death into their electoral chances in the upcoming European parliament elections by suggesting a ‘clean Brexit’ should be on any confirmatory referendum.
https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/heidi-allen-interview-in-the-house-magazine-1-6018710
“Shortly before dawn emergency services in Surrey were called to a private address after reports of a middle aged male in clown shoes collapsing,” a source inside Ashtead A&E claimed to have told LCD Views, “it’s believed he reached breaking point trying to devise a new campaign leaflet for Labour after hitting a home run with the PV free first one.”
It’s not known how serious the man’s condition is, but our sources say medics are confident that after connecting him to an IV line, connected to a spinning bowtie that spurts water, he should recharge.
“It takes immense mental strength to ruin three electoral campaigns consecutively,” our source added, “and run them into the ground at the same time. Getting to the point where local Conservative activists refuse to campaign for the party was achievement enough. The Labour leaflet fiasco and then the massive work done for Change UK, well, anyone would be out of steam.”
The individual concerned is expected to be kept under observation over the weekend, with a red nose firmly attached to lift his spirits in the hope he will make a full recovery.
“As long as sufficient sources of slapstick and clowning are kept in his environment he’ll be back on his feet and ready to lend the LibDems and Greens a hand, should they be foolish enough to reach out for one in the coming weeks.”
We wish the man concerned a slow recovery. He’s done enough for the country already. He should be allowed to rest.