The Brexit Party is stopping at nothing to dominate the upcoming EU elections in late May after the announcement that it will stand a brain in a jar as a candidate.
While it’s not certain whose brain it once was, to be revealed at a launch of the disembodied and pickled organ’s campaign later this week, it’s certain to be smart enough to gather in Farage’s target voters.
“It’s upset Fox and Widdecombe,” a Brexit Party campaign coordinator told us, “when they announced they were candidates they believed the facade of the party as somehow progressive and democratising couldn’t be ripped away any further. But now, with the formaldehyde soaked specimen agreeing to stand, it’s torn the limelight away just as quickly as it arrived. They’re not happy.”
It’s not clear what the brain in a jar will say at its campaign launch, if anything at all.
“I wouldn’t worry about that. Nigel has been practising his ventriloquism skills. The dead brain will talk alright and the audience will cheer ‘brains! brains! brains!’ in approval.”
The candidacy of the brain is thought to nicely round off the candidates standing for Farage’s new vehicle too.
“We’ve got a guy who taught his dog to do fascist salutes as somehow a champion of free speech, which given the track record on that issue of the group that devised the salute, well, you tell me who buys that and I’ll sell them a bridge in central London. We’ve another guy who makes rape jokes as if decades of social progress never occurred at all, an aged religious fanatic and a BBC regular who promotes far right values under a guise of being far left, now with a brain in a jar, the bases are covered.”
How the brain in a jar will work with the party’s manifesto is not clear either as the Brexit Party will not be announcing a manifesto until after the elections.
“It’s a complete and utter pisstake,” the insider told us, “Nigel has taken trolling the UK to a level even Putin would be proud of. You’ve really got to wonder what’s happened to the country when a sizeable number of people believed to still possess functioning brains, however rudimentary, are still falling for it.”