LCD Views can exclusively report this morning of an alarming new series of photographs of the United Kingdom, captured from space, released by scientists aboard the International Space Station.
“We were so taken aback we had to drop anchor,” Captain Penny Rocket said, calling on a secure landline from orbit, “we stayed over the United Kingdom for a full twenty four hours to observe the phenomenon. We were hoping it was a visual trick of the light spectrum, or perhaps a new type of cloud previously unrecorded. But that wasn’t so.”
What did you decide it was?
“Is. It’s still there and shows no sign of shifting.”
But what is it?
”Exhaustive analysis of our polaroids , taken in black and white and colour, reveal a giant carpet. It’s almost as if the entire country has been swept under it in order to conceal a massive network of interconnected political criminality.”
So basically you not telling us anything we don’t already know?
”You know Vote Leave broke the law? And that if the referendum wasn’t advisory it would have been squashed by the courts? And that the prime minister is aware of the criminality?”
Yes. Everyone does, just few in a position to do anything about it at the mother of parliaments seem to care.
”You know that prominent members of parliament are implicated by association?”
Yes. Just even the leadership of official opposition doesn’t seem overly concerned about it, even though it’s the sort of scandal you’d expect them to weaponise to bring down the government.
”That’s probably because the law breaking serves their political objectives? As with the party of government.”
Yes. So do you have anything to tell us that we don’t know?
”There’s a giant cigarette burn smouldering away in the centre of the carpet. It seems to be being caused by Channel 4, some Observer journalists and a few MPs. But it doesn’t involve the BBC.”
That’s mildly encouraging.
”Oh and in space no one can hear you scream.”
We know that one too, thanks to a series of documentaries on alien life.
”Then be grateful, because we’re about to take the same photographs of the UK’s special friends the United States of America.”