Up and coming Singapore domiciled, patriotic British ex-pat for corporate tax purposes and total whiz kid, James Dyson, has unveiled his latest version of his now famous Brexit machine.
”I’m going to install one in every Wetherspoons,” Dyson told reporters forcibly assembled at the manufacturing plant far to the east of Old Blighty, “and the punters will cheer it even as it sucks the bacteria off their palms and sprays it high into the closed atmosphere, to settle slowly, like invisible snowflakes, in their drinks.”
The machine, which has a casing made from pure Farage, has no visible working parts but is believed to be powered by one of the most eye catching of human failings.
”One hundred percent my own standards,” he said, “total hypocrisy. You could probably actually power the entire United Kingdom with it. I’ve a lot stored in a special Dyson battery that I use to campaign for Brexit while cashing EU regional development funds. Oh, and while bigging up what a great business and investment environment post Brexit U.K. will be while continuing to export tax take and employment to a more lenient atmosphere.”
The Brexit machine also has another purpose and one that the inventor is exceptionally pleased with.
”It sucks,” he declared with a big grin, “most of my inventions suck. At least according to an unofficial survey of people who comment online after grasping the depths of my hypocrisy. But there’s another function too.”
Which is?
”It hoovers in money. From a rules based trading union to build a great big bloody water feature on my English estate that I could easily have paid for myself, if I cared two hoots.”
The Dyson Brexit machine. It promises to make a resurgent far right and Nigel Farage happy, and no English potatriot can ask for more than that.