BREAKING : The Ecuadorian Embassy in London has broken through the Brexit news miasma because it has advertised a basement broom cupboard for rent on SpareRoom.com.
“The reason is because Julian Assange finally found himself gasping, starving, clawing sufficiently for publicity and new sources of crowdfunding that he left the embassy,” our embassy watcher reports, “and was promptly arrested by British police, as he wanted. This will get him a lot of publicity, or so he hopes, but there’s fears he’s hidden down in that basement for so long, feverishly imagining conspiracies against himself, that public interest maybe on the wane.”
So what happens now?
“Who cares?” shrugged our embassy watcher, “Farage can go and meet him openly I guess? Assange has really left it too long.”
But are you sure this is just a cry for attention? Maybe it’s a result of the embassy staff finally getting fed up with his tantrums?
“Well, there was that news story a while back about Assange looking to sue the Ecuadorian Embassy itself because it was mad at him for not cleaning up all the cat poo, so maybe relations between the Messiah complex and the staff have reached a breaking point.”
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-46027963
That’s the embassy’s fault, surely? They could have gotten him a smaller familiar whose poo is less noticeable?
“Like a hamster or a mouse?”
Maybe a parrot? He could have used it as a device to record his speeches.
“So when he’s imprisoned in a secret location in the USA the parrot could remind everyone of his wisdom?”
Now, you’re getting it! Or maybe a praying mantis? You wouldn’t even notice that.
“All good advice, but it’s too long now, it seems the most forgotten soap opera in British history is drawing to a close. Log on to the internet now, that room is up for grabs, and for just the price of your sanity and reputation, it’s a deal! But hurry, Farage, Banks, Elliot and a mob of other Brexit charlatans with dubious foreign links are said to have already booked a viewing.”