People who like to read are in for a treat in the build up to Halloween this year with the news they won’t have to bother reading David Cameron’s autobiography.
”This is because Danny Dyer has been commissioned to record the audiobook edition,” an insider claiming to work for Harper Collins told LCD Views – on the condition we kept it to ourselves.
To give you a flavour of how it will sound we have included the following link of Danny reviewing David’s greatest achievement :
The contract for the Dyer edition is being kept secret and we understand Danny will deny it if questioned.
”It’s going to be fruitier than the printed edition,” the insider continued, “with lots of confusing lower order slang and wordplay. Basically anyone wanting to hear Britain’s greatest living prime minister’s thoughts from a genuine point of thinking that it’s somehow worthwhile, well, they’ll need a translator, it’ll be like listening to Jamie Oliver in full flow, only it will be the real deal and not mockney.”
But when did the publishers get the draft to Danny to record, given that Wonder Dave has been notoriously slow to write about a career ending in failure?
”They didn’t,” the insider confirms, “they asked Danny to use his imagination and give us the real David Cameron, the one everyone can plainly see. Not the PR bullshit version that Mr Cameron would like you to see.”
And will the Dyer version be titled differently to the Cameron written one?
”Yes. Trotters is the front runner. Although No Regrets is also a possibility.”
LCD Views would like to commend the entire team for their work on what is an almost impossible task.
Just how do you finish a memoir that ends in complete failure?
We look forward to finding out as we holiday in Nice, with our trotters up, this summer.