LCD Views can report reliably that the UK is set to ask the EU for an exceptionally long extension to Article 50 in order to undertake a public inquiry.
“It’s not an inquiry into the criminality, sadly,” our law and order correspondent reports, “but into the snack bar expenses of Mark Francois. This is a result of over 16m people signing the petition calling for one.”
Calls for a public inquiry have been growing over time, most specifically into the criminality involved in the Leave campaigns, but so far the government is disinterested. This may, or may not, be related to the fact that serving Conservative MPs will just possibly be involved and sitting on hot seats.
“To be fair, you’ve got to start somewhere,” our correspondent says, “the eventual inquiry into all the crime will be massive. It will require a new government and the machinery of government will have to be well oiled by something other than graft. It’s thought the inquiry into how many bloody Mars Bars Francois has billed the taxpayer for will be good practice for the big one.”
LCD Views would like to commend the government for acting. For some it’s a little baffling when they see reports of well compensated members of parliament billing the taxpayer for petty sums, when they themselves wouldn’t bother attempting to hit their employer up for every single Malteser.
“Fair play to Mark,” our correspondent says, “you’ve got to get your snout in the trough when you’ve the chance. And if the money wasn’t going on his sweet tooth it’ll probably just be wasted on something trivial like a nurse.”