A British woman, who goes to church but never listens, has been left red faced after a private movie, filmed at home, presumably by her husband, was leaked across social media.
While the woman’s identity has not yet been made public, social media analysts say they are concerned at the impact on her professional life once someone recognises her and names her. The dialogue in the movie is pretty graphic and gives the clear impression of a desperate person seeking refuge in a rich fantasy life.
“By her dress she’s a vicar’s daughter,” our viral expert says, “although long strayed from the path, by no means a good Samaritan. Just look at the symbols in the video? She’s clearly very wealthy, but is slumming it on an Ikea sofa? That’s a prop for some fruity foreplay right there, with her partner and potentially others. This is very possibly a view into a secret society. You notice how she gets visibly aroused when talking about ending freedom of movement? This is code for bondage. The safe word appears to be Labour.”
Whether the video was accidentally posted online, or deliberately, by the person filming it is not yet clear, but we suspect it’s accidental. The footage is rough. The camera work shaky. Possibly due to over excitement on the part of the person filming, in consideration of the position they intend to take on sterling?
“The crap production values are a sure sign of what we in the trade term ‘roughing it porn’,” our analyst adds, “this is an exceptionally well off individual who gets their kicks from moving their expensive furniture out of the room and then surrounding themselves with furnishings only low born types would use, and then sitting. More niche than furries.”
So far the social media giants have been slow to take down the video, which has led to calls for greater regulation of the sector.
“It’s pretty grim. To have your fetish just up there for all the world to see. Presumably we’re all just lucky the film ends before she changes into a maid’s uniform and starts doing the dusting, while putting on a cockney accent that would cause even Dick Van Dyke to cry foul!”
We just hope the video wasn’t posted as an act of revenge for something trivial like the establishment of a booming food bank sector and the complete and utter humiliation of an entire country by the setting of red lines written out of a clear sense of xenophobia.