Mark Francois, spontaneously combusting chunk of ERG gammon, is said to be rumoured to want to sue the makers of “The Purge” movies after they refused to cast him in the next planned installment to the franchise. This next movie is planned to be just live recordings taken from across England if No Deal Brexit occurs.
“Is it illegal to be made of ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT PURE SALTED HAM?!!” Francois told the world, via a splattering of pulled pork across Twitter, “I will star on day one of any No Deal Brexit. Why aren’t they planning on filming me?!!?”
Quite why is up for the makers of the franchise to say, but it is rumoured to be because of the belief Mark will be cannibalised by other members of the ERG in the opening moments of No Deal Brexit Day : Purge.
”He’s just too tasty,” Jacob Rees-mogg wrote in his diary, which we have stolen, “and of course he’s also as thick as mince. Imagine him consumed with a nice chianti and some fava beans?”
We here at LCD Views would like to lend our support to Mark and understand his deep confusion and hurt feelings.
”It’s hard to think of many more suited to taking part in such a spree of lawlessness,” our political psychologist commented, “Mark supports the result of an illegally procured advisory referendum result, converted into a political mandate by wilful ignorance and base self interest, spiced with a blind eye to criminality. He’s clear to be a star turn. He should be fitted with a pair of GPS able eyeballs and allowed to do as he wants,
Preferably in a sand pit with non-bladed tools where he can’t injure any of the other boys.”