Old soggy Moggy, ERG leader, has reportedly been shopping for yet another pair of flip flops today.
“He’s getting through them faster than his dummies,” a woman claiming to be the man child’s nanny told LCD Views, “and those he’s going through fast enough as it is! Keeps spitting the darn things out, and do you think I can find them?”
The latest flip to become a flop concerns the purportedly binding nature of word’s uttered by former prime minister David ‘trotters’ Cameron.
“Well, when it suited little Jacob what Cameron said was law,” the nanny explained, “but that was because little Moggy thought he’d get the Brexit he wanted. But now that it looks like he’s in danger of getting the Brexit Theresa May wants, or no Brexit at all, so it’s a different story altogether.”
This seems to be because there’s a danger that any Brexit delivered by May won’t be a big enough disaster?
“I think so. I really just wipe his nose and bottom and make sure he’s dressed properly with his monocle. You’ll have to go to the horse’s mouth to find out for yourself.”
LCD Views thinks the latest change in position is a testament to the fine private education sector in the country.
While Mr Rees-mogg initially misunderstood the nature of how our parliamentary democracy functions, wherein any leader or parliament can not bind a future one, it seems he’s now realised his error.
This of course shows the error of agreeing anything with the current government which as stable and trustworthy as a grown man who still has a nanny. And that is neither strong, nor stable.
“It’s a shame you can’t bind the hands of future governments,” the nanny sighed, “little Jacob is constantly going on about it. If it wasn’t the case we wouldn’t have universal suffrage, which apparently would have been better for everyone.”