BREAKING : Fresh stools left overnight on the doorstep of 10 Downing Street have been collected and analysed in a hurry to discover their chemical composition, thus discovering where the UK is with Brexit.
“It’s no longer taking hits from the bong with the EU,” our political scientist reveals from the lab,
“it’s stopped all that in order to intensify getting high with itself. Although various meth head Tory ministers have been briefed to insult France in the hope of enraging Macron so much he vetoes any further extension to Article 50.”
Not a bad policy.
“Yes. Dose Fox or Hunt up on uncut Brexit and let them rip, stream of consciousness style. Shame Boris sacked off. He could be exceptionally useful right now if he was still a Minister of State.”
But the UK’s sessions with the UK, which have been run in parallel to negotiations with the EU27 are achieving even less it seems. No matter how much Brexit is ingested, inhaled or injected by the main party leaders. Should they perhaps not be using their own product so much?
“It’s a problem. Unlike most mind crushing compounds, in order to produce Brexit you have to use Brexit. But the more you use Brexit the less likely you are to be capable of making Brexit,
“Both May and Corbyn want to make a lot of Brexit, that’s bloody obvious, they’ve been telling us constantly for nearly three years as they fiddle and fumble about in the lab. Yes, It was the Tories who started the lab, but Labour have refused to politically weaponise Brexit, at a leadership level, all the criminality and lies that go hand in hand with making Brexit could be used to drag the Tories out of office. It’s baffling really.”
Any theories?
“The more they use it the less clear their thinking. A standard side effect of Brexit use, even small amounts are like a lobotomy. Oh, and delivering a Brexit payload of any size destroys both their parties, but not making Brexit only destroys the Tories. So we can only conclude the Labour leadership are talking with the Tories about how to produce more tonnes of Brexit out of a hope they can rip off the entire load at the last minute and convert it chemically into Lexit.”
That’s a much safer substance.
“Not at all. In order to make it you need to end Freedom of Movement, so the cooks tell us. So…maybe best to just say no to that too.”