Mark Francois MP for cured, salted, boiled and fried hams has announced exclusively via LCD Views that he has changed his name by deed poll to Mark Gammon MP.
”I did it all by myself,” Mark Gammon told us proudly, “and no one helped me. Even the joined up writing is in my own mark making.”
The change of name by the salty MP is thought to have been done to better reflect not only Mark’s actual constituency of red faced men, but his rising status as a natural comic genius.
This is best displayed whenever parliament utilises the sovereignty Mark claims it lost, but never did, and definitively shouldn’t use if it goes against Mark’s ideological objectives.
”They’re Jacob’s objectives actually,” Mark said, “I back them too because he says it’ll make me posh. It’s nice when your betters make use of you. Really warming.”
To be honest though, we can only speculate as to his thinking behind the name change, as he couldn’t tell us his thinking because his dog ate it.
And while many have slapped Mark on the crackling for his change in handle, it has given rise to the predictable, boring, snowflake claims of bigotry.
”Why not continue to acknowledge his heritage and choose not gambon or prosciutto or pork derivatives of this kind but straight up ham? English names too good for Mark “posh friends” de Gammon are they?”
We think that’s unfair. And as soon as Mark has finished rolling about in fits of rage we’ll slap him on the back with a ladle of apple sauce.
”To celebrate I’m adopting little Andy Bridgen so he can be Gammon by name as well as nature too,” Mark added, which was a nice surprise for all of us.