The Maybot is, incredibly, still functioning. Its batteries keep producing power from somewhere, and nobody can locate the switch that will turn it off.
It can no longer be considered as a contestant on Strictly. Its voice sounds more like Stephen Hawking every time it speaks. It no longer has the energy to push for a third Meaningless Vote, the latest attempt only ranks as MV 2-and-a-half. And still the off switch remains elusive.
It is unfit for Robot Wars, or even Scrapheap Challenge. Its only virtue, it seems, is to be the last man standing.
The Maybot even offered to deactivate itself, in return for supporting MV 2-and-a-half. This failed because the deal was a humungous pile of steaming dung, which even the ERG could not stomach. Maybe the Maybot doesn’t know where the off switch is, either.
“We’ve been trying to turn it off for months now,” hardliner Dee Lornodeal told LCD Views. “Our best men are on the case.”
‘Our best men’ turn out to be Boris Johnson and Chris Grayling. “I’m completely disfurbulated, I must say,” spaffed Johnson. “I know where to find the button to turn a woman on, God damn it, but I’m buggered if I can find the Maybot’s off switch. Once more unto the breach, my friends!”
Meanwhile Grayling was throwing money at the problem. “I’ve come up with a technological solution!” he burbled. “I found a little company called drainyoucompletely.com. Their website promises to remove every last bit of juice from you. Well, that sounded just perfect, so I bunged them a few mill and let them do their worst. Strangely, my inbox is now clogged up with dirty pictures, so I can’t tell you any more. I’m off to ask Damien Green for advice.”
Typical men. They clearly didn’t read the instruction manual before setting the thing in motion. Cliff edge, here we come.