Great news for people searching for new blood in the scabby world of Westminster politics with the announcement by Don’t Know that it’s to form a political party and stand in all constituencies in the next general election.
“Ferocious bit of timing,” LCD Views’ Mr Pole Star commented, “I’m full of admiration. A few years ago Don’t Know was the least popular of all the candidates when set against either the sitting prime minister or opposition leaders. But now. Wacko! Frightening bit of calculation.”
Who will stand with Don’t Know is not yet certain.
“That makes sense, given the name,” Mr Pole Star guided, “but one thing is certain, constructive ambiguity only gets you so far. So too attempting to pass the entire economy out the back of Downing Street and into the hands of dark money interests.”
Labour have already ruled out an electoral pact with Don’t Know, even though a coalition could see them seize 10 Downing Street.
“You can’t have a Soviet command and control, centralised economic structure with a coalition of snowflakes,” Mr Star illuminated, “so that’s no surprise. Don’t Know is perfectly capable of governing alone anyway, as it really has the mood of much of the country when it looks to the future.”
Reports that Don’t Know will join the Conservatives, instead of forming its own party, and challenge May for the leadership in December have been dismissed as rabble rousing.
“Ignore the detractors, they’re just trying to confuse people so they can’t see the light in the window guiding them home. Unless Labour actually become an opposition party and fiercely oppose the government’s main policy platform of Brexit, which it is clear will hurt the most vulnerable the most, they’ll be breaking their own eggs from now on to make Don’t Knows’ omelette.”