A woman who believes herself to be doing God’s work is busy this morning ignoring the message God sent her last night.
”She’s just going to carry on as if nothing bad happened yesterday,” Mr Pickering, owner of Cotton Wool R Us, which supplies ear stuffings for 10 Downing Street told us, “I know this because around 11pm last night I received a massive order of ear suitable cotton wool.”
The order, promptly delivered by courier moments after the woman received the message from on high, wasn’t the only one.
”I’m retiring to the south of France today,” tin supplier, Mr Ears, also advised, “really I am. I hope I get to stay there after the 12th of April. The order last night for a set of tin ears was so insane it was like winning the lottery.”
There were apparently also orders from ‘The All Thumbs” firm of handy equipment and ‘Cack Hands’.
”It’s a great time to be in toilet tissue too,” our economic analyst tells us, “insiders in the treasury tell me that a new battle is raging between May and the Chancellor after she insisted on an emergency fund of several billion to keep the Tory Party supplied with four ply paper during the indicative votes process.”
Is this because they’re all crapping themselves?
”Not all. The really insane ones are fine. But anyone with a brushing relationship with reality is running to talk to God on the white telephone from both ends. They know if they can’t kill Brexit themselves and fast, they’re going down the S-bend of history.”
That’s nice to know.
So what’s next for the occupant of 10 Downing Street?
”Fit her latest set of tin ears, stuff them with cotton wool and give a speech which doesn’t acknowledge last night’s historical defeat, would be my guess.”
How will the speech begin?
”The British people…”
Oh God, anyone have the number for Cotton Wool R Us?”