LCD Views can report on the availability in stores, and online, of wizard starter packs for anyone wishing to support the order of the Tory ‘Grand Wizards’.
“The major problem, ipso facto, has been coming up with a brand name that has just the right connotations,” Jacob Reeks-clogg, ERG + Grand Wizard + Tory MP for Supremacy, told us, “we had to get the name just right or people may mistake us for a collective of magic hobbyists and not, quod sint realiter.”
The selection of the name ‘Grand Wizards’ was made after ruling out a list of other possibilities. Brown shorts. Black shirts. KKK, DPRK, Trump Corp and many others were already taken and trademarked, but Grand Wizards was still up for grabs.
“We are actually quite magic, if you ask us, we weave spells, although not with the traditional method of big wands and latin words, mores the pity, but by sacrificing pigs and shagging their heads. Oh, and with the support of foreign tax exile, right wing media outlets running endless articles to misdirect people’s anger onto foreigners. This is the source of our real power, alongside a failure internationally to reform tax laws.”
The kits themselves will be reasonably priced so as to make them as democratic as possible.
“Several million in a liberal minded tax domicile is all it will cost you. Or a direct donation into an internationally sanctioned Russian bank. It’s really very simple to purchase a starter pack and become a grand wizard. You will of course also need to purchase a blue rosette and become elected as a Conservative MP.”
Reports on Twitter that the name grand wizards is not supposed to connote anything are of course complete and utter garbage. But even if they’re correct, how can an industrialised country like the UK have allowed such a collective of total imbeciles so much sway over our democracy and for so long? If they don’t know what they’re doing when they nickname themselves, what are they doing when they come up with policy?
“Et interficiam in oculo foramina bedsheets.”