In a press conference last night, the NHS has announced its latest emergency measure. In a bid to cope with any health problems that may arise as a result of Brexit, it is setting up several new clinics up and down the country specifically to deal with these new so-called Brexually Transmitted Diseases, or BTDs for short.
NHS spokesman Dr Will Cureham made the announcement, saying:
“At this time of national emergency, we need to show the public that we in the NHS are still committed to maintaining public health, and if anyone does find themselves suffering from a Brexually Transmitted Disease, they can come to these new centres and get help in a relaxed and confidential environment without fear of judgement.”
Symptoms that someone is suffering from a BTD range in severity, but a willingness to read the Daily Mail, Sun, The Express, The Telegraph and often these days The Times, are known to be red flags.
“The right wing press is more the vector,” Dr Cureham advised, “reddening of the face and verbal ticks such as ‘EU army’, ‘EU tyranny’, ‘Out means OUT’ and an inability to distinguish between homophones are signs someone is definitely stricken and should seek help.”
The move to open the clinics has been welcomed by activists, but has caused a stir among some, with many questioning the confidentiality of the clinics. There is a fear, particularly among leave voters, that there will be a social stigma attached to BTDs.
“That’s just scaremongering put about by the ignorant,” Dr Cureham was quick to state. “Leave voters keep asking if they are going to be kept at the bottom of waiting lists so remainers can get priority. At these clinics, we are not going to ask which way you voted in the referendum. That is not our concern, our only concern is helping the sick.”
The BTD clinics are due to open on April 1st in cities up and down the country. Details are available on the NHS website.