It seems the people of the UK are willing to try anything to stop the absurdity that is Brexit. Now help has come from a very unexpected source, the crew of the Starship Enterprise.
“Well we actually arrived here – or should I say now – by accident,” Captain Kirk told the assembled reporters. “We were attempting to travel back further to erase Khan Noonien Singh from history. But we arrived here, and we found a number of things happening here in the 21st century don’t match our history books in the 23rd, where humanity has risen above such things. So we’re trying to set history to rights.”
As for how they are going to do this, well, they are being tight-lipped, however it is rumoured that Mr Spock is going to mind-meld with Theresa May to put a bit of logic into her brain. Whether it will be enough to put her on the right track is another matter.
“Human behaviour is highly illogical, especially at this period in history,” Mr Spock explained. “The current leadership in the developed nations has less logic than at any other time we have visited. We are not sure what has happened as yet. A Vulcan mind-meld has its limitations, I can show people the right course to take, but I cannot force them to take it. To quote your human proverb, I can lead a horse to water but not make him drink.”
When someone asked if he would also attempt a mind-meld with Donald Trump, Mr Spock’s features went noticeably pale. “Impossible,” he explained. “I cannot mind-meld with a being that has no mind to meld with.”
And if their plan doesn’t work?
“Well, Scotty’s working on fixing the time circuits to get us back to when we’re going,” Captain Kirk added, “so when we get there we can always try again at an earlier point in time.”
As Captain Kirk and Mr Spock ended their press conference, one of my fellow reporters called out to them, “may the force be with you!” which left them totally confused as they beamed back up to the ship.
We wish the crew of the Enterprise the best of luck in their attempt.