The frenetic occupants of 10 Downing Street have been thrown a much needed lifeline today after a famous psychic offered to end Brexit for them.
“We’re cockahoop,” an aide to embattled lamest of lame ducks prime minister Theresa May told us, “We can just Revoke Article 50 now and say Uri Geller took over what’s left of May’s mind and made her do it.”
The way out must surely be welcome for an executive who bizarrely treated a score draw result in an opinion poll (and maybe not even that close when you factor in all the Leave EU lawbreaking) as an overwhelming mandate to leave the EU in whatever batshit crazy way the ERG MPs demanded May do.
”I’m a little suspicious that this isn’t Uri’s first intervention,” the aide said, “how else do you explain the bloody dementia tax in the manifesto that lost us the 2017 GE and led to May throwing a billion quid bung to those mentalists the DUP, just to stay symbolicly in office?”
But it’s not all roses in the garden at Downing Street after Mr Geller’s mind bending efforts.
”The kitchen staff are well puzzled by the epidemic of bent cutlery,” the aide added, “it’s not just spoons, it’s the whole lot, knives and forks also.”
Asked for comment on the collateral cutlery damage Uri Geller is reported to have shrugged and explained that the sheer amount of energy needed to break through the thick crust of stupidity that has grown on the walls inside 10 Downing Street is the only reasonable explanation. And added, do you want Brexit stopped or not? Go buy yourselves some new spoons and forks.