Nigel Farage has made his play while rumours of a governmental collapse abound. The man whose numeracy skills rival Diane Abbot’s is positioning himself as education secretary.
The People’s Vote march attracted a mere million or so people. Farage’s far more successful march drew a crowd of over 200. “You are the majority,” he told them proudly.
“Our Nige”, as we must now call this privately educated man of the people, made the claim that a further 17.4 million people were also there in spirit. “Look, can’t you see them?” he asked. Clearly, religious education is yet another forte.
Either that, or he should have gone to Specsavers.
Insiders suggest that Farage’s actual role in government could be very different. “He’s not actually an MP, so he couldn’t be in government,” pointed out analyst Enda Marope. “But there is a vacancy for a consultant policy maker. This person spends all his time pontificating in the Strangers Bar, like a posh pub bore. It’s tailor made for Nigel.”
Marope has news of other appointments up her sleeve. “Boris will move to Spaffing Money Up The Wall, Chris Grayling to All At Sea, and Michael “slithy” Gove to Jabberwocky.”
The big question though, is who will replace Theresa May as Prime Minister?
“There is only one viable candidate,” said Marope. “Keep it under your hat, will you? Please? OK. Strictly off the record, it looks like the next inhabitant of Ten Downing Street will be John Bercow.”
Nigel Farage was not happy with the news. “I have far more integrity than Bercow!” he thundered, subsidised pint in hand. “All he does is shout ‘order, order’, and subvert the will of the Man of the People. Edutainment Secretary, pah, I should have been PM. I coulda been a contender. Hardest game in the world, politics. Been doing it thirty years, man and boy…”
The future of Great Britain is in safe hands.