BBC News creative director Nigel Farage was in a celebratory mood today with the announcement that his personal joke news agency was now the world’s largest satirical news agency.
”No one should be under any illusions that this is the highest bar,” Mr Farage said, while propping up a bar, “this is just the beginning of my work to build on the legacy of Lord Haw-Haw.”
The decision to take the award away from global news empire, LCD Views, and award the coveted status to BBC News was not taken lightly.
”It’s the EU what won it,” Nigel declared with a wink, a slop of warm ale, a drop of fag ash into a pot plant, and a smile to show what tooth whitening can do, “if they hadn’t buckled completely to British demands that they plead with Theresa May to allow them more time to prepare for a Hard Brexit, well, maybe I would have had to invent a headline about the Revoke Article 50 petition being a Russian stunt, have it totally unchallenged in the editorial room, and slap it on the front page.”
Asked how he planned to celebrate his victory Nigel smiled greedily.
”Probably shag a gullible Belgium bird and then go for a walk.”
So you’ll be joining the March 2 Leave gaggle as it struggles towards London?
”Excuse me? Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahaha!”
Perhaps not then.
We here at LCD Views are magnificent in defeat and we congratulate the BBC News service on stooping to a disingenuous, dank and duplicitous level in complete disregard of its charter, and hitherto not seen before David Cameron jammed the organisation full of Tory placemen and placewomen.
”I know the place for a woman!”
Thank you Nigel, that’s quite enough from you.