Fantastic news for lovers of hysterical, and historic, speeches today with the announcement that Prime Minister Theresa May will be redoing last night’s smash hit oratory over.
“It was rousing stuff the first time around,” a section of the carpet under her feet last night commented,
“but you know what they say, the only good rewriting is rewriting. And the moment she gave the patented power stare for the Daily Mail to use on its front page, turned and robotically lurched away, she knew she could improve even on what was already a tour de force in attribution of blame.”
It’s believed that later today the podium will be carried outside the door of 10 Downing Street so May can talk to the nation again.
”So soon? What a treat,” the carpet unrolled, “but I can tell you that she won’t be giving the recooked speech this afternoon, but informing the nation from the podium that she will be doing it again this evening at the same batty time on the same bat channel.”
That’s very considerate. People can rearrange their dinner plans around it. But what changes will she make to what was a perfect set piece already?
”She’s blames parliament for standing in the way of her manifest destiny,” the carpet lurched, “she’s appealed directly to the people not to let their elected representatives stand in the way of her job as fence for an international kleptomaniac crime spree to rob the U.K. blind, but she didn’t quite tick all the boxes with the redirection of blame.”
Who did she miss off the list?
”Queen Elizabeth II, who pretty much declared war on Theresa May with a hat and it hasn’t been forgotten,” the carpet turned up at the corners, “that’s why she has to do the speech again. There’s always someone else who needs to be blamed.”