The siege of Brussels looks to be drawing to a triumphant close with the breaking news that Theresa May has invited a delegation from the EU27 to Westminster.
“It’s all down to the strategic genius of the prime minister and her tight knit team,” a Westminster watcher observed, “bombarding Brussels daily with phone calls asking exactly the same question, being told no, immediately calling again, and with shock surprise visits, has finally broken their morale. They’ll do anything just to have peace for a few weeks.”
It’s thought the delegation will arrive just as soon as they’ve prepared themselves for what will be the gift of an extended and humiliating extension to Article 50.
”They need us more than we need them,” the watcher shrugged, “when she dog whistles they’ll come running. The Marchers for Leave I mean, well, if anyone of them survive the Farage-less trek to the south. The EU27 will probably use a plane.”
But why Westminster? Surely a victorious British delegation should parade through Brussels before forcing the EU27 to sign the new agreement in public?
”Ms May has been practising her curtsying furiously,” the watcher added, “and with the impressive firedrop backdrop of the Palace of Westminster, Big Ben sheathed like a giant’s cock beside it, the continentals will know what they’re up against alright. It’s the best visuals.”
Tickets to the ceremony will be available to purchase online, with priority given to people who can prove they’ve a Saint George tattooed anywhere on their person, but preferably about the face.
”If they play their cards right we may just leave after the extension. But if the EU27 screw it up they’ll be back to getting phone calls from May asking for another one day after day after day after day after…”